I miss knowing that there is someone out there in the world making the sun shine just a bit brighter. Who loved, and lived in the seconds of a downpour and sang to the reflection of a rainbow. Someone who figured out how to make a millisecond immortal and an endless day into the most replayed mix-tapes.
Five years ago he looked me in the eye and told me to fuck’em, leave and begin again. Then he looked at the pool that had been our home for four years and he said, “don’t worry about it, you got this”. As if I was standing on the blocks again racing those sorry boys.
Whenever I thought of him, I saw that moment happening over and over with all of these people I would never know. Spreading this warm, soul crushing love as magnificent as one of his bear hugs were. The sweetest most generous person defrosting a 5am swim practice as if he was the pool’s personal heater.
And then he was gone. And so was I, flying across the world. And his soul was next to me soaring through the stars looking over the horizon. I thought, every star in the world would stop shining. We would all just keep staring at our feet, without him whispering or roaring for us to lift our gaze a bit higher.
I found out on my way to the airport, that loss of hope so palpable in the suffocating cab. That’s what his life was, this endless body of hope that leaked out of him each step he took into the world.
The principal dancer spinning us towards our solo stages. Who would dance in his place? Those worn soles may never slip across this globe again. Or is it our turn to fill them? To continue the rave of existence. Each person, each moment, each laugh that he gave us made it easy to keep our heads glancing up. To gently lift the chins of others towards the dreams that awaited them. To feel his presence in the fingerprints he left on our souls as we lived on.
In memory of Shane <3